Y Me Part II

I seem to be involved in a never ending series of interactions with the socially defective portion of the Portland OR community. In this case, I was innocently babysitting for my granddaughters, and made the near-fatal mistake of thinking I would be allowed to enjoy a cup of Starbucks coffee.
In my misguided pursuit of my Starbucks coffee I set off to get a cup at my closest Starbucks, which happens to be inside a local supermarket, which happens to be under renovation. So, I innocently walked into the under renovation supermarket and looked for my Starbucks stand , well it seems it was put under construction and was not in its usual location. I asked one of the supermarket clerks "Where is the Starbucks?"
With absolutly no heisatation whatsoever he said:
"It has been relocated to the back of the store"
So, I preceded to the rear of the staore and walked from one side to another to the other, no Starbucks.
I then asked another nearby clerk ,
"Where is the new Starbucks stand?"
She answered with no heistation whatsoever:
"Its still under renovation and won't be ready for about 2 and half months, all the clerks were briefed on its status".
I was about to tell her I met one clerk who missed that briefing, but I didn't bother.
So, I went to plan B, and got a cup of coffee from  the closest McDonald's.
After getting my cup of coffee from McDonald's, I had to get back to babysitting and the shortest route took me through the under renovation supermarket parking lot. As I approached the exit from the lot, there was a car sitting still, in the middle of the exit. I assumed the driver was just waiting for cross-traffic to clear so he could exit safely. But no, he just sat there even though there was no cross-traffic. So, I did what every reasonable ex-New Yorker would do, I blew my horn.
Still no reaction, so I blew it again, and at this point the driver lifted up his head and his hands and showed me his was texting on his phone.
I guess I was supposed to accept his action as proof he had the god-given right to block the parking lot exit while texting, but since I didn't agree with that I blew my horn again , and kept blowing it till he got his car out of the exit and parked it 2 feet down the cross-street.
Whereupon he began texting again !!!
I should never have put plan B into motion.

Y Me?

So we went to see The Jersey Boys show on Sunday and it was great, especially for gray hairs as we are. In fact now that I think of it, my wife commented that the theater was full of grey hairs.

Anyhow, before the performance started, there was a standard announcement about please turn off your cellphones, so I reached for my cellphone to turn it off. Well, the house lights went down as I was turning off my cellphone, as many cellphones do, when I asked it to turn off, it lit itself up and started to turn itself off, well I guess mycellphone did not respond quickly enough for my seat mate to my left and at that point the woman  screeched at me :
" That is very annoying".
I said to her "You are very annoying and I am simply turning off my cellphone".
She then began to stare at me as if no-one had ever had the unmitigated gall to talk back to her !
In fact she stared at me for so long, I asked her if she had paid to stare at the show or me?
At which point her "date ? companion ? faithful sidekick ? "  began to snap his fingers at me.
Not wishing to pass up opportunity to snap my fingers at some-one, I began watching the show and began to snap my fingers at him.
At which point the woman with the 1000 yard stare finally must have decided I was not going to throw myself on her mercy and ask her forgiveness, and she finally turned to watch the show.

The whole incident reminded me of something one of my friends had said to me last week. I asked him what shows or movies he had seen lately that he could recommend. He replied he had not been to a movie theater  for the past two years because of the way people act in the theaters. I guess we should add live off-Broadway theaters to his list.

Please Stop Being Passive Aggresive Drivers

After moving to the greater Northwestern  part of the United States I have noticed a very annoying pattern of drivers in this part of the world. They are namby pambies while driving. For example, they will drive up behind me, station themselves 12 to 15 inches from  my bumper and expect me to either drive faster or get out of their way. They won 't flash their lights, they won't toot their horns, they just sit on my tail expecting me to read their minds and decide the best way to let them motor through the balance their miserable day.
Well I have had enough of being an unpaid, unappreciated  motorized psychiatrist for the general driving public of the great Northwestern US. The least these passive aggressive drivers could do is act out their aggressions, as every red blooded North Eastern United States driver does. They should blow their horns, blast their high beams, and pass me on the left or the right, even if there are no passing lanes. That is the kind of driving I can live with, absolutely crazy but at least consistently crazy !!!

An Adventure into the World of the Crazeys.

We just spent the July 4th holiday in Santa Barbara CA. Santa Barbara, really is a very special place, it lives up to its hype as the French Rivera of California, very tranquil and relaxing. Anyhow, after having spent a wonderful holiday in SB, I was brought back to reality on the last day of our trip, in the parking lot of a local SB supermarket. What happened was we went to the Supermarket to get some things and on the way out of the parking lot I came to the end of the row I was parked in. As I looked to my right and left I noticed there was a Stop Sign on my left and a car approaching it.
Unfortunately for me I assumed in the real world drivers who drive up to Stop Signs must stop for them, it now appears that assumption is not true.
What happened was as I moved into the intersection and made a left turn, the car approaching the Stop Sign stopped. Up until this point you might think everything was normal, as I did, but then the world of the crazes  showed up in the form of the driver at the Stop Sign. This crazy began shouting at me " Stop Sign, Stop Sign " and giving me the finger, because, as a near as I can discern, my presence in his world forced him to stop at the Stop Sign !!! I guess he had not intention of stopping, and my mere presence ruined his plan. Anyhow, it took me a while to react to his yelling, primarily because I don't think the way crazes think, so I didn't yell back at him, but in retrospect, my inability to immediately become a crazy, may have saved my life.

Too Many Yellow Traffic Lights

After living in the state of Oregon for the better part of two years, I have come to the conclusion that there are too many Yellow traffic lights in this state. We have, Steady Round Yellow Traffic lights, We have steady Yellow Arrow traffic lights and we have blinking Yellow traffic light Arrows. These yellow lights are driving me crazy. You never know what the driver in front of you is going to do when they approach an intersection that has one of these yellow lights glowing. Will the driver stop? Will the driver make a left turn? Will the drive go through the intersection? Its like playing Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun !!!
In its never ending effort to protect all its citizens from any harm and simultaneously give all its citizens the complete freedom to do whatever they want, the state of Oregon has created a crazy quilt of Yellow Traffic lights. I don't know for sure but I am willing to bet that the only ones benefiting  from all these yellow lights are the police officers and townships that get to issue yellow light tickets and collect traffic fines.

A Visit to the Genius Bar at the Local Apple Store

As a result of some issues coming up in regard to the use of our IPad2, I found myself at the Genius Bar at the local Apple Store. The reason I found myself there was that I was trying to find out how to fix the issues online and could not do so, so a visit to a real person was in order.
Now for the real surprise about my visit, I had no complaints. The Genius bar took me right on time, fixed my isues and actually helped me with other issues I had, but didn't know I had them.
When I was going through life, it used to be that the " Disney Way" of customer service at their parks and other retail enterprises was the Gold Standard of customer service. Well, in my not so humble opinion "The Apple Way" ( My term as far as I know) is now the Platinum Standard of Customer Service. I only wish that My Federal, local State, County and  local City Governments could be added to the lists of either Gold or Platinum Customer Service. But, that seems to be a wish that can only be granted if Apple and / or Disney formed a Joint venture to run all levels of government in the United States.

People Who Govern Things Never Use Them

I just finished reading an article in the local paper that says the board of directors for the local public transit agency rarely, if ever ride the system they are supposed to govern. This reminded me of one of my favorite thoughts.  " The companies that build cars or computers have no people in them that know how to drive or ever use a computer."
In the case of the failure of the public transit system board, to even be able to relate to the systems users, the reason for their built-in lack of empathy is because the board is not elected, the board is not on a first come first to  serve, or even absolutely required to use the system they "oversee". The only thing a person must do to get on the over site board is to be appointed by the Governor, a Politician who never rides the public transit system, and probably couldn't find it if he tried to ride it !!!

The First Time I went to a Dentist

Lucky me, I was at the dentist again today. And while there the dentist said that if she was doing anything that was causing me pain, just signal her somehow. To which I responded I would grab her, and she said "where was I planning to grab her: The answer went unsaid by me.
But, the question made me think of a story my mother told me about the first time she took me to a dentist in our old neighborhood in Brooklyn. It seems that at around the age of five, she took me to a dentist for my first visit, well she waited outside while I went onto the dental chair with the dentist. My mother says about five minutes later the dentist came running out of the exam room dragging me along by the arm. The dentist than screamed at my mother" Your Son Bit Me" To which my mother  said she asked me "Why did you bite the Dentist?". To which my mother said I answered, " because he was hurting me." At which point my mother said to the dentist. You deserved to be bit and we left that dentist forever.

The USA's New Levels of Justice

When I was growing up we were taught the USA was a nation of laws and all citizens got the benefit of an impartial justice system. Then, we began to believe that there were two systems of justice, one for the rich and one for the poor; or as it was stated, " if you have enough money you can buy whatever justice you want." After hearing about the recent John Edwards and Roger Clements trials, I now realize we have a third classification of justice in this country, we have added Celebrity Justice. It seems that whether or not a celebrity is guilty is not the real issue on the minds of his or her jurors. The real issue is, should  the jurors give the celebrity on trial in front of them a break because they are celebrities. This is an offshoot of modern American celebrity worship that has replaced our historical need for heroes, such as Presidents or Medal of Honor winners. We now worship celebrities as they were heroes, and you can't put a hero in jail.

It Seems that eating Meals with My Almost Two Year Old Granddaughter Will Cause Me To Lose Weight

My youngest granddaughter, whom my wife and I love with all our hearts, has now decided that whenever she and I are eating a meal together she has to sit in my lap. As a proud loving grandparent, you would think that having your granddaughter decide to sit in your lap while eating is the best thing ever. Well, it is but, as part of her sitting in my lap she gets to eat her plateful, and my plateful, and she gets to use my fork, and I get to use her tiny spoon.

Not that this really bothers me, because after my granddaughter finishes her food needs in my lap; she moves on to do the same thing in her Grandmothers lap.

Neither myself or my wife will really lose any weight as our granddaughter goes through this phase, but it would be nice if it really happened. It would just be one more reason to love our youngest granddaughter even more.

Never Overestimate the Sophistication of the People You Meet

Today I went to the dentist, and to begin with the dental assistant, who I had never met before, acted very tentatively with me. So, in my never ending quest to find all the things going on in every situation I find myself in; I said to her " Instead of just doing something to me, how about if you give me some warning like" Now I am going to Xray your teeth." At that point the dental assistant told me she was a temp, not really familiar with the procedures in this office, and she further said she had been sent by a dental temp agency who told her she was temping for a dental assistant whose daughter had died, and she thought she was walking into a dental office where all the dentists, dental assistants and the patients would be in mourning, and very upset. 

So the temp had made up her mind to prevent any further mourning, by talking as little as possible to both the staff and the patients. Well, it turns out the absent dental assistants' niece had died, not that anyone dying is a cause for celebration, but at least it wasn't the dental assistants daughter who had died,  and all the staff and the patients in the office were not in mourning, all of which led to my not getting the bedside manner from the temp I should have gotten. To top that off, the dentist heard all this from the temp,  and began instructing the temp in how to help her  with my dental problem. 

One thing I did not want to hear while in pain in the dental chair, was one "professional" teaching another professional, while they were both knee deep into my mouth.

So that's how my day began.

A Healthy Dose of Skepticism

I just heard a great line, " The greatest writers are liars" it was said by an actor playing Ernest Hemingway, I don't know who actually said it, but it seems to make a lot of sense. Most books, even the non-fictions, are meant for enjoyment and probably indulge in some "lying" if nothing else just to entertain the reader. That may seem to be too skeptical but that what I think.

The True Cost of Freedom

We went to hear a Jewish refusenik named Natan Shcharansky talk this evening. I don't want to sound irreverent to a genuine hero, but he did sound just like  MYRON COHEN. And, since he had exhibited such individual courage in standing up to the entire Old Soviet Union almost by himself, I expected him to be at least 10 feet tall, but he was about the same height as Woody Allen. Although his speech was inspiring listening to it did come at a cost, of $54.00 for a pledge to the sponsoring agency, who brought him to speak to us. For that we got the speech and two sugar cookies.
The funniest part of the evening's speeches came when one of our US Senators spoke to the audience via a prerecorded segment, during which he said he would have rather been with us in person, but the work of the US Senate kept him in Washington. 
Since the work of the US Senate is too be deadlocked, and get nothing done, he could have at least used a different excuse for not attending in person.

My Ten Commandments of Fowarding

1.Thou shall not forward anything that self- proclaims its a Warning, or its important, or must be read, or has gone viral.

2.Thou shall check all forwards with snopes.com, before forwarding.

3.No forwards of cute, heartbreaking or beautiful, or "you must see" pictures.

4.If thou must forward,  forward no more than one forward per week.

5.No more than one forward per week to any one person on your email list.

6.Thou shall not ever encourage or reward or acknowledge anyone who forwards anything to you.

7.If thou breaks any of these commandments thou shall have all email accounts closed and be forced to do all communications via pen and paper via the USPS.

8. Before forwarding anything thou shall take a deep breath, and and repeat the following phrase at least ten times: " Is this really necessary for anyone to read or watch or view?"

9. Before forwarding anything, Thou shall ask thyself the following question:

" Would Moses have forwarded this?"

10. Finally and most important of all Thou Shall never forward anything that is posted on YouTube. if your recipients can't figure out how to waste their own time on YouTube, thou shall not enable them.

I'm BACK

It has been brought to my attention that I have not been blogging enough. So here goes. Where we have been, we have been in Costa Rica for 10 days on a bus tour. Believe me, we had no idea of ever going to CR, but once we got there we could see why this country is so high on tourists and especially Eco-tourists must see lists. The country seems to be about 25% national park and 25% unpaved roads and 25% corporate agriculture, 25% citizens, 25% one really large capital city, and about 100% really interesting things to see. So, if you want to see something like the Amazon, like South America, like all of Central America, but different go see Costa Rica, and make sure you drink lots of their local rum, it will make your sightseeing even better. 

What else has been going on, there seems to be a Presidential Election this year, although for the life of me I don't understand why any "normal" person would want to put themselves through what presidential candidates and incumbents have to go through to be elected POTUS. Which means all we given a choice to vote for, are "abbynormal" candidates.

Enough for now, I promise to try to write every day but I don't promise to keep my promise.