Thursday, March 27, 2014
Saturday, September 21, 2013
Friday, August 16, 2013
Just Another Day In My Personal Alternate Universe
OK so today I was in a local Supermarket and I wanted to buy a Poweball Ticket, a winning one of course. So I approached the lottery machine and started to put a 20.00 bill into the machine to buy a 2.00 ticket, expecting it to give me change. Luckily I read a small almost illegible notice on the machine which read " No change or refunds". Which meant I would have buy 10 tickets, an amount I was not interested in buying, since I really only needed the one winning ticket I was interested in buying.
Anyhow, I decided to go the Customer Service Booth near the lottery machine to get my 20.00 bill changed into 5s and 1s. As I approached the counter a small elderly man, a term I can use since I am an average size elderly man, rushed in front me, exclaimed " Do you mind if I cut in front of You?"
In other words asking my permission for something he had already done. So, I mumbled "Yes"
He then approached the clerk and breathlessly announced " I want a gift card"
The clerk said " how much money do you want put on the card?"
The man said "Do you have gift cards?"
The clerk said "How much money do want put on the card"
The man said" I want a gift card"
The clerk said "I don't understand, how much money do you want to put on the card?"
The man said"I don't care how much money is on the card I just want a gift card"
The clerk said " You can't just have a gift card"
The man said " I want a gift card and left "
Anyhow, I decided to go the Customer Service Booth near the lottery machine to get my 20.00 bill changed into 5s and 1s. As I approached the counter a small elderly man, a term I can use since I am an average size elderly man, rushed in front me, exclaimed " Do you mind if I cut in front of You?"
In other words asking my permission for something he had already done. So, I mumbled "Yes"
He then approached the clerk and breathlessly announced " I want a gift card"
The clerk said " how much money do you want put on the card?"
The man said "Do you have gift cards?"
The clerk said "How much money do want put on the card"
The man said" I want a gift card"
The clerk said "I don't understand, how much money do you want to put on the card?"
The man said"I don't care how much money is on the card I just want a gift card"
The clerk said " You can't just have a gift card"
The man said " I want a gift card and left "
Friday, August 9, 2013
I'm Back
I just can't seem to write something every day but I promise to try to write everyday or once a week whichever comes first.
Anyhow what got me started on the need to write or vent happened today. I was peacefully sitting in a local Fred Myers Supermarket enjoying a Starbucks refill coffee, when reality intruded upon me. What happened was the area of the supermarket I was sitting in had 6 or 7 tables with 4 chairs at each table. Everything was really quiet as everyone in the area was using the free WIFI or reading a newspaper or just talking to themselves, not that there's anything wrong that.
But, into this ideyllic scene came The Shopper. He was pushing an almost empty shopping cart, stopped it abreast of my table and decided he needed to be on the other side if my table, and instead of just walking around my table he proceeded to move all the empty chairs at my table into a straight line and them walking his cart and himself straight ahead.
At this point I thought about asking him to put the chairs back where he found them but I decided not to intrude on his warped view of reality, lest I run the risk of having to listen to his theories about how all the chairs in the world were always getting in his way.
Anyhow what got me started on the need to write or vent happened today. I was peacefully sitting in a local Fred Myers Supermarket enjoying a Starbucks refill coffee, when reality intruded upon me. What happened was the area of the supermarket I was sitting in had 6 or 7 tables with 4 chairs at each table. Everything was really quiet as everyone in the area was using the free WIFI or reading a newspaper or just talking to themselves, not that there's anything wrong that.
But, into this ideyllic scene came The Shopper. He was pushing an almost empty shopping cart, stopped it abreast of my table and decided he needed to be on the other side if my table, and instead of just walking around my table he proceeded to move all the empty chairs at my table into a straight line and them walking his cart and himself straight ahead.
At this point I thought about asking him to put the chairs back where he found them but I decided not to intrude on his warped view of reality, lest I run the risk of having to listen to his theories about how all the chairs in the world were always getting in his way.
Sunday, July 14, 2013
Monday, August 20, 2012
Y Me Part II
I seem to be involved in a never ending series of interactions with the socially defective portion of the Portland OR community. In this case, I was innocently babysitting for my granddaughters, and made the near-fatal mistake of thinking I would be allowed to enjoy a cup of Starbucks coffee.
In my misguided pursuit of my Starbucks coffee I set off to get a cup at my closest Starbucks, which happens to be inside a local supermarket, which happens to be under renovation. So, I innocently walked into the under renovation supermarket and looked for my Starbucks stand , well it seems it was put under construction and was not in its usual location. I asked one of the supermarket clerks "Where is the Starbucks?"
With absolutly no heisatation whatsoever he said:
"It has been relocated to the back of the store"
So, I preceded to the rear of the staore and walked from one side to another to the other, no Starbucks.
I then asked another nearby clerk ,
"Where is the new Starbucks stand?"
She answered with no heistation whatsoever:
"Its still under renovation and won't be ready for about 2 and half months, all the clerks were briefed on its status".
I was about to tell her I met one clerk who missed that briefing, but I didn't bother.
So, I went to plan B, and got a cup of coffee from the closest McDonald's.
After getting my cup of coffee from McDonald's, I had to get back to babysitting and the shortest route took me through the under renovation supermarket parking lot. As I approached the exit from the lot, there was a car sitting still, in the middle of the exit. I assumed the driver was just waiting for cross-traffic to clear so he could exit safely. But no, he just sat there even though there was no cross-traffic. So, I did what every reasonable ex-New Yorker would do, I blew my horn.
Still no reaction, so I blew it again, and at this point the driver lifted up his head and his hands and showed me his was texting on his phone.
I guess I was supposed to accept his action as proof he had the god-given right to block the parking lot exit while texting, but since I didn't agree with that I blew my horn again , and kept blowing it till he got his car out of the exit and parked it 2 feet down the cross-street.
Whereupon he began texting again !!!
I should never have put plan B into motion.
In my misguided pursuit of my Starbucks coffee I set off to get a cup at my closest Starbucks, which happens to be inside a local supermarket, which happens to be under renovation. So, I innocently walked into the under renovation supermarket and looked for my Starbucks stand , well it seems it was put under construction and was not in its usual location. I asked one of the supermarket clerks "Where is the Starbucks?"
With absolutly no heisatation whatsoever he said:
"It has been relocated to the back of the store"
So, I preceded to the rear of the staore and walked from one side to another to the other, no Starbucks.
I then asked another nearby clerk ,
"Where is the new Starbucks stand?"
She answered with no heistation whatsoever:
"Its still under renovation and won't be ready for about 2 and half months, all the clerks were briefed on its status".
I was about to tell her I met one clerk who missed that briefing, but I didn't bother.
So, I went to plan B, and got a cup of coffee from the closest McDonald's.
After getting my cup of coffee from McDonald's, I had to get back to babysitting and the shortest route took me through the under renovation supermarket parking lot. As I approached the exit from the lot, there was a car sitting still, in the middle of the exit. I assumed the driver was just waiting for cross-traffic to clear so he could exit safely. But no, he just sat there even though there was no cross-traffic. So, I did what every reasonable ex-New Yorker would do, I blew my horn.
Still no reaction, so I blew it again, and at this point the driver lifted up his head and his hands and showed me his was texting on his phone.
I guess I was supposed to accept his action as proof he had the god-given right to block the parking lot exit while texting, but since I didn't agree with that I blew my horn again , and kept blowing it till he got his car out of the exit and parked it 2 feet down the cross-street.
Whereupon he began texting again !!!
I should never have put plan B into motion.
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Y Me?
So we went to see The Jersey Boys show on Sunday and it was great, especially for gray hairs as we are. In fact now that I think of it, my wife commented that the theater was full of grey hairs.
Anyhow, before the performance started, there was a standard announcement about please turn off your cellphones, so I reached for my cellphone to turn it off. Well, the house lights went down as I was turning off my cellphone, as many cellphones do, when I asked it to turn off, it lit itself up and started to turn itself off, well I guess mycellphone did not respond quickly enough for my seat mate to my left and at that point the woman screeched at me :
" That is very annoying".
I said to her "You are very annoying and I am simply turning off my cellphone".
She then began to stare at me as if no-one had ever had the unmitigated gall to talk back to her !
In fact she stared at me for so long, I asked her if she had paid to stare at the show or me?
At which point her "date ? companion ? faithful sidekick ? " began to snap his fingers at me.
Not wishing to pass up opportunity to snap my fingers at some-one, I began watching the show and began to snap my fingers at him.
At which point the woman with the 1000 yard stare finally must have decided I was not going to throw myself on her mercy and ask her forgiveness, and she finally turned to watch the show.
The whole incident reminded me of something one of my friends had said to me last week. I asked him what shows or movies he had seen lately that he could recommend. He replied he had not been to a movie theater for the past two years because of the way people act in the theaters. I guess we should add live off-Broadway theaters to his list.
Anyhow, before the performance started, there was a standard announcement about please turn off your cellphones, so I reached for my cellphone to turn it off. Well, the house lights went down as I was turning off my cellphone, as many cellphones do, when I asked it to turn off, it lit itself up and started to turn itself off, well I guess mycellphone did not respond quickly enough for my seat mate to my left and at that point the woman screeched at me :
" That is very annoying".
I said to her "You are very annoying and I am simply turning off my cellphone".
She then began to stare at me as if no-one had ever had the unmitigated gall to talk back to her !
In fact she stared at me for so long, I asked her if she had paid to stare at the show or me?
At which point her "date ? companion ? faithful sidekick ? " began to snap his fingers at me.
Not wishing to pass up opportunity to snap my fingers at some-one, I began watching the show and began to snap my fingers at him.
At which point the woman with the 1000 yard stare finally must have decided I was not going to throw myself on her mercy and ask her forgiveness, and she finally turned to watch the show.
The whole incident reminded me of something one of my friends had said to me last week. I asked him what shows or movies he had seen lately that he could recommend. He replied he had not been to a movie theater for the past two years because of the way people act in the theaters. I guess we should add live off-Broadway theaters to his list.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)