No Lamb Will Be Served In This House

Because my father had been such a pain in the ass to his parents they sent him to military academy for his high school years, and that is how he met my mother and I was born in South Carolina. It seems that when WW II came about and my dad was drafted from his hometown of Peekskill NY, about 60 mile north of New York City, his draft status showed he had been be military academy. So the ARMY saw that on his record and immediately made him a Sargent and also gave him permanent station status at Ft. Bragg North Carolina, thereby guaranteeing he would never be shipped overseas and possibly be killed during the war. It also made it possible for him to meet my mother who grew up in Rock Hill SC, and marry her and further guaranteeing I would be born in South Carolina. The downside to his permanent status at Ft. Bragg was that for all the time he was there the only fresh meat the ARMY served him was mutton or lamb. As a result after the war and to the day he died he would never eat anther piece of lamb or mutton, so I grew up never eating a lamb chop or a lamb stew, it was banned from out home.
He also learned to hate standing on line, which he did a lot of in the ARMY, so whenever we went out to eat or anywhere else out if there was a line to get in to the place we were going we would get there and turn around and find another place to eat. As a result we ended up eating in many not yet or ever popular restaurants.

Some Random Events

When I was in high school myself and some other guys got a job parking cars at a local synagogue in my old neighborhood in Brooklyn NY. One Saturday night on a very very very cold day we began valet parking the cars and then at the end of the event we would run down the street jump into the parked cars and return them to their frozen waiting owners at the main door of the synagogue. So this elderly couple hands me a car ticket I run down the street and start the car and turn on the radio and turn the heater all the way up, thinking that these additional touches will enlarge my tip. BUT, here comes the funny part, as I drove back to the synagogue in the nearly frozen car I hit a pothole, and the car went in and came out with a bang and the impact shattered the frozen back window. Not knowing what to do I drove the car to the waiting elderly couple, who much to my surprise got in their car and drove off, and I never saw them again. To this day I have often wondered what they thought as they drove in their nearly freezing car with the back window shattered and all in pieces on their back seat. Where they so drunk so out of it in general that they never noticed? Did they ever notice or did they just drive around with the car that way till it rained or snowed into it?

Another time my friends and I were out for the night and we needed to park my car, but could not find a space. But, we saw a VW bug taking up what looked like two parking spaces so we got the bright idea we would push the VW into one space and then my car would fit into the newly enlarged second space. So, we jumped out of the car and two or three of us put our backsides onto the back of the VW and then our feet onto the bumper of a parked car next to the rear of the VW. We then began pushing on the VW expecting it to move along the curb. Much to our surprise the VW didn't move, what did happen is the sheet metal of the VW collapsed and pushed in leaving a large dent in the rear of the VW. So, we lifted up the VW and turned it around so that it was parked the wrong way in the spot and hoped that the owner would not be interested in looking at the rear of his or her car while trying to figure out how it got parked the wrong way from the direction he or she had left it.

1955 with the Internet

I have finally figured out what Portland OR and the areas around them are. They are a small town in the 1950's but they have the internet. Its actually a very appealing combination of small town 1950's America living but with 21st Century advantages. The rub comes when the 21st century begins to try to speed up the 1950's. It's like watching the Leave It To Beaver show, but having it play in forwardness all the time.
Also living in this time warp makes you begin to think that we can actually solve all our social ills by simply ignoring them, as if society will simply outgrow its problems as if they were phases of maturing.

THE DONALD (DONALD TRUMP FOR PRESIDENT)

Just when I was beginning to think that the news was not providing enough things to make me laugh, I heard that Donald Trump is running for President. After I stopped laughing I realized that his candidacy would be a real boost to American Politics. The last Presidential cycle did not feature a TV reality show candidate and I know many people where lamenting that obvious missing candidate. Now, Donald Trump can fill that void. He can appeal to that segment of the American Public who can't tell you how a law is enacted but can tell you who is the last American Idol, or who was on the last cover of PEOPLE Magazine.
Donald Trump can be the Reality TV Party Candidate and we can now have our Presidential Elections done on the telephone the way that the American Idol winners are picked. Leave it up to The Donald to bring us and his hairdo into the 21st Century.

PORTLANDIA

As you may or may not know there is a current TV series on the IFC Network called PORTLANDIA. What the series does, and does very well, is to satirize the city of Portland Oregon. The funniest thing is that the city does a much better job of unintentionally satirizing itself more than the TV show does. For example the city is currently holding honest-to-goodness real live hearings as to whether or not it should join a Federal Government sponsored ant-terrorist network. The city "leaders" and the population are seriously trying to decide whether it is better to not join and have as many terrorist acts in the city as possible, or join and have to deal with reality. That ladies and gentlemen is Portland's real dilemma should it grow-up and act like an adult or should it just live in the made-up world of fairy tales and hob-goblins?

Club Mordecai

Since the Jewish holiday of Purim is coming up, it occurred to me that Jews are always trying to make this into a "happy" holiday, maybe they should start a Club Mordecai Comedy Club. The Club Mordecai would fulfill two purposes, it would give Jews and Non-Jews a place to laugh at and with each other, and it would give guilt-ridden Jews a place to expunge their religious demons in public. Actually the first stand-up should be Woody Allen, notoriously ambivalent about his Judaism, he could do at least two or three hours of one-liners about how his non-stop psychiatric analysis could have been prevented had he just be given the opportunity to tell one-liners at his Bar Mitzvah instead of having to read the Torah.

What Do We Need Cairo Egypt For ?

What is all the fuss about whats going on in Egypt? I bet you can't name one thing that we need that is made in Egypt. They have no oil, no natural gas, in fact the only thing they make in Egypt are Mummies and I don't think the world needs any more of those !!!.
Also, the Egyptian rioters need a really catchy slogan. Down with Mubarak just doesn't get it !! How about: Up with Mummies !!! or Down with Mubarak Up with his Mummy !!!
Anyhow the Egyptian riots are nowhere near as entertaining as the new TV Show PORTLANDIA on the IFC Channel. When you finally get tired of CNN & all the other cable news networks trying to make the Egyptian riots relevant to you, get your cable TV on and begin watching all the shows ON Demand or on HUlU that's where life really happens.